~His Secret Pain~ His hidden battles...

June 30, 1966 - August 4, 2014

There is so much I wish to say about my cousin. But, I honestly don't quite know where to start.  Each of us has a beginning and an ending. And, I believe that God has planned our destiny. However, many of us choose to walk a path opposite of what God has preordained. And, many times we choose paths that are a detriment to ourselves, our family and to those who associate with us.

The bible states in Proverb 14:12 "There is a way that seems right to a man, but the end there of is the way of death. This could mean physical death and or Spiritual death".

So, as you read this, ask God to open your hearts, to allow His Holy Spirit to indwell you to the point of you acknowledging where you are and where you need to be.

Please note: This article is about my cousin Timothy Tyrone Edwards...

Timothy "Hard Time" Edwards was the name his friends and some family members called him. But he was born, Timothy Tyrone Edwards, June 30, 1966 to Gloria "Huno" McLendon- Edwards and the late Enoch Edwards Jr my beloved uncle.

 I knew Timothy's name. I knew he was my first cousin. We would talk, but only in a passive way. We never held a deep conversation. However, I really didn't know him as I should have.

 You see Tim's older brother, my cousin Steve and I were much closer. More like brothers. Therefore, I spent more time visiting and talking to Steve than anyone else in the family. And, I still do.

 But this writing is strictly about Timothy. His struggles, hurts and hidden pain, that was really never discussed openly by him.

I learned of his struggles, hurts, and hidden pain only after his death. That being said, so often we pass judgement on people, based upon what we see and hear. Not what we actually know or understand. 

The name Timothy means "God's Honor; God fearing". When I see the meaning of the name of Timothy, I know God's plan was put in place at Timothy's birth.  Yet, somehow God's plan and direction for my cousin's life hit a conflict. But God is still Sovereign. His grace is still sufficient. It is up to us to accept all that God has to offer.

My cousin Timothy had a great personality. Great demeanor, very respectful, and one of the most humbled persons I have ever known. Even, when he was intoxicated. He was always polite when I saw him, and I have never heard a curse word come from his lips, even during his intoxicated episodes.

Timothy posessed all the attributes of a Godly man, based on his temperament and his attitude. But, he also had a weakness. A weakness that many men and women have, Alcohol. And when you combine Alcohol with secret pain and no sense of direction, destruction will soon follow.

You see, I believe that Timothy had a secret pain that led him to find comfort in alcohol. However, God states in 1st Corinthians chapter 10:13 that though we fall into temptation, which is a decision that we make, God has supplied us with power to overcome. (Please read it). There is no temptation alive that can overtake us, unless we give in to it. Timothy gave in to it.

Alcohol is a crutch to many, and a curse to most!

My cousin Timothy was intelligent, smart, loving, caring, forgiving, friendly, kind. But he was a enslaved to alcohol.

To bring you up to date, Timothy lost his wife to a drunk driver a few years prior to his death. I believe he never overcame this tragedy. Thus, the bottle became his open companion, while his secret pain continued to haunt and tormented him within, on a daily basis. You see, letting go isn't always easy when you truly love someone. And, when you are staring at a pillow where the person you love once laid their head. And now she's gone, because of a drunk driver.

I believe Timothy hoped  a thousand times for the return of his wife. I feel certain that the pain was intentionally overshadowed by his continual drinking. But, he had a heart, an intelligent mind, that somehow seemed to be overtaken by alcohol.

This is what I know to be true:
 I understand that to live is to be free, and not in bondage ... that to have true friends is a necessity ... that sometimes we must fight just to stay alive ... that to be happy, you just need to want ... I've learn that time heals ... that a grudge disappears with time ... that disappointment  does not kill ... that today is a reflection of yesterday. I understand that we can cry without shedding tears ... that true friends remain ... that pain can strengthen who you are.

I'm sure that Timothy dreamed of seeing his wife again.  Based on that, I've learned dreams don't have to be fantasies, because dreams can become reality ... that to smile you have to make someone smile ... that beauty is not what we see, but what we feel ... that there is value in the strength of achievement ... I realize that words have power, and sense words have power, I refused to call Timothy "Hard Time", because it was such a negative and degrading name to be called, after his mother, my Aunt Gloria gave him the name Timothy, which was ordained by God,  that means "God's Honor; God fearing". What a contrast!

I believe to accomplish is better than to talk ... that the look does not lie ... and my cousin had the look of being enslaved to alcohol.  I believe that living is learning from mistakes. And, we all can learn from the death of my cousin.

I've learned that everything depends on the will ... that the best is to be ourselves, and the person that God has ordained us to be.  That the secret of life is to live according to the will of God!

Sadly, I didn't understand Tim's reasons, or his pain, until after his death.

To those of us who are still alive, the word of God makes it very plain. And here it is: The eyes of the Lord runs to and fro, throughout the whole earth, beholding the evil and the good. There is nothing hidden from the eyes of God.

Remember, life is short, death is evident, so choose life and live it right!

Listen, with God there is nothing we can't do. We are over-comers. If you want to know how, just ask me!

...I love you (MY dear cousin)Timothy Tyrone Edwards ... Rest in Peace...

The sad thing is, I never told Timothy that I loved him. So please, remember to tell those whom you love, that you love them on a daily basis... Make it a point to do so! And, even more important, show it as well!

~These are my thoughts ... I welcome yours~