The Chess Game of Decisions....

As I sit and wonder, I hear the beating of my heart. Not only can I here it's beating, but I can feel it as well. There is also a nervous tension. I would be lying if I told myself that I did not know what was going on, because I do.

Written on the date below ...Posted 11-29-2011

So, today is truth day-dated May 4, 2011 at 12:21pm.

I have lived for a short period of time to me and maybe a long period of time to you, but in my living I have seen so many things. Some good, shocking, hurtful. Somethings what I've seen  has had little bearing on my emotions. Only because I refused to let it.


What I'm experiencing now, has been brewing for a long time. So, why do I let it bother me so?


Not my childhood rearing, but my life as an adult...


However...


I grew up in a home where truth was at the bottom of the list when it came to very important things.  I would sit, watch and hear my parents argue. I would stand back and see the fear on my siblings faces as I stood in a corner feeling and hearing my heart pound.


And one day at the age of thirteen I came home from school and my mother informed me that my dad had left us. I WAS DEVASTED....HURT...and ANGRY!!!


In my own little world I began to understand the words "inner peace"... I know that having inner peace doesn't mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or heart-ache. I've learned that it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

I discovered a world that I could resort to even though the world around me was chaotic.

From there I began to live my life on the basis of what you are about to read below:


The person who Smiles on the outside, when he is crying on the inside; who wears a smile on his face when there are tears in his heart, has mastered the art of all arts-Self-control...
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There is nothing final about a mistake, except that mistake is taken as final.

 I held on to this most, if not all of my adult life. Not wanting anyone to see me hurt, disappointed, or discouraged. It became my way of life. 

The Power of The Mind is a very Powerful thing...As the picture above can so vividly illustrate, it can set you free, even if it is only temporary. 

However, without going any deeper, as I grew older I began to understand why my Mother and Father could not continue.

But there is a secret behind the secret....{ That I don't care to discuss}...


I know now that sometimes love can withstand and endure a storm, but sometimes the hurt is so devastating until the only thing left to do is to leave or separate...

No one ever know the worries, regrets and mistakes that memories make. Nor does anyone know how sweet or bitter a relationship can be for an individual.


Deception  is devastating. It can destroy a heart, a relationship and anything else in it's path. Much like a Hurricane and a Tornado.

Especially when someone already know the truth...

Can you relate to what I'm saying? Do you understand? Do you have the faintest idea?

My mom and dad needed to be free of each other. Well, at least they thought so. I personally felt that, by the two of them separating, they robbed themselves of each other.

Even though my mom told me that my dad was her first love... They were robbed.

Sometimes you wonder, how can you have a beautiful relationship end without making beautiful mistakes. Sounds strange what was just stated, does it not?


But some mistakes are fatal to a relationship, at least it was to my parents.

 Leaving is hard and it always is, when you deeply love someone, but sometimes, staying can be worst than leaving..and sometimes freedom can feel like treason when you have left someone you deeply love.

Sometimes leaving someone in sorrow can surprise you and become treasured gold. And in a long run, can be a blessing and not a curse.

Decisions when in a relationship can be very difficult to make and sometimes people give up to soon. Nevertheless we all make decision that we are faced to live with; whether they are good or bad; right or wrong. But some decisions Must be made.

And .... Sometimes no decision can the worst decision of all.


But, he who has no sin, let him cast the first stone.




These are my thoughts ......I welcome yours...  Happy reading...